I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
