After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
