i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
