Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Randomize
