It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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