Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
