i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
