Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
