plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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