I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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