Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
