so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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