No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize