If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
