Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
