I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
