You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
