Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
