tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she smelled like a LAN party
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
In other news, I just burned my penis
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize