going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
