I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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