I think I just saw someone hide a body.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
