Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My ass is underappreciated
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
