You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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