We need to rekindle our bromance
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
