I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize