wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
