I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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