you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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