I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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