So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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