A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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