"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
if only i could text you this smell
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
