Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
