he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
