hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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