I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
