why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
