I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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