All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
