i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
