can we get nightvision for the apartment?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
