it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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