Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize