If that was your dad, he is hot
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
