How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
