Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My life is pants optional.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
