Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Actions speak louder than pants.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
