Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
