...so i touched it.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize