I wanna bring you to show and tell
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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