Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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