make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Randomize
