How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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