And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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