You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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