The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
