why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
