I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
