i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
