I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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