why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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