I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
