I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize