On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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