Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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