i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize