I think I am morally bankrupt
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
