Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
