i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
