I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
