Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
