it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
