??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
