I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
