Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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