My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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