woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
