i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize