You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
