I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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