Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
