I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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