My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
