i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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